About Long-distance Relationship

originally posted on January-18-2008

‘          Been there… done that! To be honest, I think I’ve been in this kind of relationship for three times… (I’m not sure hahahhaa). I can definitely recall my happy moments and of course some difficult times because of the distance we had. In fact the last one I had was based purely on long distance with numerous times of the actual get together. I think she even mentioned that we had a ’skype relationship’, or something like ‘i think we spent more time dating our headsets than being with each other’ hahahaha. Anyways, having a long distance relationship is always tough, I failed all three. The question now, is it possible with a future successful ending? Do you think long-distance relationship doable?

‘          Well, let us explore what long term relationship is all about. Wikipedia explains long-distance relationship as, “a typically intimate relationship that takes place when the couple is separated by a considerable distance.” So it is a relationship that is intimate and the couple is separated by some amount of distance. Many interpretations could come from this explanation. One could ask whether the distance comes after the relationship was established or the other way around. Online dating has open the opportunity of knowing people without necessarily meeting them in person.

‘            Many would interpret differently on the term ‘considerable distance’. Distance has become a vague term these days. You can measure distance by miles distance, travel time distance, or free time to meet distance. Some might have miles distance but they meet often because of the transportation technology. Miles distance has been reduced to mere travel time distance. If you are only two hours away (by plane), and you can afford it, the relationship will not be a problem. If you live in the same city, but traffic has stopped you from seeing each other often (let say you have to travel 3 hours from Pondok Kopi to Bintaro in Jakarta), you can call that a long distance relationship as well. Now, your career can also stops you from seeing each other often. If you are only able to see your partner once a week during weekend, it would be the same with people whom I know live in another city but come to see their partner once a week on weekend. Shortly, you might have a long distance relationship without even realizing that you have one.

‘            Technology has made long distance relationship more doable. According to Wikipedia, means of communication for this type of relationship are: cell phones, emails, online chatting, video conference, skype, instant messaging, letters, sms, shared online activities, such as playing online games together, and shared offline activities such as watching the same movie while talking on the phone or chatting (Note: I think I’ve tried all that hahaha). In my experience, you can even do greater things with technology. For instance, when you want to send flowers or gifts to your loved ones, you are able to do it by credit card, and your gifts shall be delivered in time. Isn’t it great? Now, imagine what people did in the old days when they only have letters by seamail.

‘            Now, there are some advantages from long-distance relationship (LDR). LDR actually helps us to understand our relationship better from the conversations we made with our partners. Without phsycal intimacy, conversations take over the whole relation. This eventually will bring the relation into a deeper level of understanding of your thoughts and ideas.
This will clear up the whole basis of yor relationship, whether you are more attracted to each other based on physical needs or emotional needs.  You are free to think about the relationship without any strings attached.

‘            However, I can mention a plentiful downsides of LDR. You don’t know what your parter is doing unless they tell you. You can’t come and see him/her when you need them in the middle of the night. You can’t hug them when she/he is in times of trouble. You can’t meet them physically. Sometimes technology puts you down. Numerous negative things can emerge from LDR.

‘            I have friends who are having LDR at the moment. Some of them are married, such as Enade (his name is mentioned with permission hahaha) who is expecting his first baby within 3 months time. I imagine that having such distance must be very hard for him and Emmy, his wife. Again, this kind of relationship can only happen based on strong commitments. I have some friends that have their girl/boyfriend back home in Indonesia. This is also tough for them. The hardest part is when they needed their partner the most and they can’t see each other. That is very frustrating.

‘            Now I will come to my point about LDR. I think LDR opens up a lot of new perspectives of your relationship. It is actually good to be away from your partner for some amount of time. But if you are away for a long period of time without any realistic chance of seeing each other in the future, then I think you better stop it. It is not healthy for you or for your partner. I’m just being realistic tough I have my own hopelessly romantic side. I think I had learn my lessons, because as for now, 2 zones Amsterdam tram distance is the most realistic option for me hahahahaha.

17 Comments posted on “About Long-distance Relationship”
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pencari percikan on January 18th, 2008 at 2:37 pm #

Hm… So I was right when called you as a “Calon Pendeta Pencari Cinta”, since you discuss about love more than other topics recently. Ha..ha..ha…

As a long distance lover, I cannot agree more with this post. However, enjoying our happiness here and now is also nice and exciting… hua..ha.h.a..

sil on January 18th, 2008 at 4:39 pm #

Well,,, semua kembali lagi ke pribadi masing-masing
sum times bisa aja sih LDR works, contohnya adalah sepupu saya,,, mereka LDR sudah di tahun ke 5 dan akhir tahun ini mereka bakalan nikah,,,
Jadi balik lagi ke nilai2 yang di anut masing2 orang (hallaahh macam PPKN aja niiihhh)
ya maksudnya kalo emang buat mereka perhatian lewat telpon, sms, ym atau apapun itu bisa mengakomodir kebutuhan mereka untuk tetap saling percaya ya oke2 aja kann
lain halnya dengan orang (contohnya saya) yang butuh kehadiran fisik,,, yang kaya tadi di bilang you can not hug him when you know that he’s in trouble or in need…
atau malah kebalikan ketika lo butuh seseorang untuk ada buat lo.
Kalau masalah tantangan, setiap hubungan pasti ada tantanganya masing2 toh?
Tetap semangat buat yang ber LDR ria… jangan di kira ketemu setiap hari itu enak hehehe
buat yng merasa tidak cocok ber LDR ria ya jangan di lakukan,,, karna sama saja mencari masalah…
buat yang belom pernah LDR tapi sok2 berkesimpulan nda kuat LDR seperti saya… yahh ga ada salahnya mencoba.. there’s always he first time for everything for everybody right? :)

deon on January 19th, 2008 at 7:36 am #

LDR membuka kesempatan yg luas utk mempunyai domestic partner. trus jadinya hati mendua deh.

menarik nih penyajian artikelnya om binsar. koherensi antar artikelnya kuat :)

anies on January 19th, 2008 at 10:07 am #

LDR..hmmmmm
actually, that i am now
it’s hard but everything can we do for love,isn’t is?? even distance separeted us.Yeahh sometimes i really need contack fysic when i was in the dificulty time ‘n i just tried to be tough,keep strong ‘n just pray for it.’N it was work i thoungt.so the point which i want to say here is “Everything we can do for love” even LDR sekalipun.So,success for LDR’s lover ok!!!!
Btw,artikel km belakangan ini ampir semua kena ke gw,km gak lagi nyindir gw khan Bang????hehehehehehe.
God Bless ‘n peace

indri on January 19th, 2008 at 12:40 pm #

arg..LDR. harusnya gw bisa berhasil nih. cm karna waktu itu pacar saya terlalu baik buat saya, jd harus dihentikan de…huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu…

why GOD why?????

Di2t on January 19th, 2008 at 12:54 pm #

This is a very powerful blog mehn!! It can’t be deeper than this. LDR is hard. Because you indeed have to rely on what the other is telling you. Sad but true.

Naomy on January 19th, 2008 at 3:01 pm #

Many of what you said it’s true, its a big challenge and test that will strengthen you and your partner, it made you go to another level. I’ve been in a LDR for 2,5 years, I’m thankful that we learned to emotionally close not physically, cos in the end what will make it last is if you can be comfy and talk anything with your partner for hours,,what do we do when we’re face to face anyway? mostly talk right?
for unmarried yet couple it’s very effective to protect ourselves from lust too hehehe..I know a couple who’s been together 7 years and doing LDR for 5 years, they’re getting married this year. feeling what they have to go through to make it work will always make them fight for their marriage to last forever – the negative thing is it is really really hard and painful sometimes, and you always need longer time than normal relationship to be ’sure’.

anies on January 19th, 2008 at 11:57 pm #

wah DIT,lu isi coment juga ttg blog ini hehehehehe..
huy everybody just for anounchemnt that “DIDIT juga pernah ngalamin LDR tapi gak berhasil”hahahahahahahaha
arm jongen……..
but relax bro,masih banyak stock Tuhan cewek cantik untuk loe!!!!!
tetep semangat dalam mencari cinta ok!!!I’ll always support u

binsar on January 20th, 2008 at 1:43 am #

wah… tengkyu untuk komen2nya yaaa..
Sisil… mungkin memang kamu harus coba dulu baru bisa bilang ga akan berhasil. tapi coba ama siapa juga yaa?? tapi cerita sukses saudaramu itu bagus juga ya…. sayang ga berhasil buat aku huuu

deon… lagi-lagi analisanya selalu tepat!

indri… kisah kita sama meski penyebabnya beda hahaha

binsar on January 20th, 2008 at 1:45 am #

anies, waduh kebetulan aja kali kena, soalnya aku kan ga tau ceritamu hahaha…
didit, kamu ama anis berdebat berdua aja tuh hahaha…
Naomy… you were sad a month ago when your boyfriend left back home. I wish you all the best girl! I am expecting a sweet ending between the two of you!

vera on January 20th, 2008 at 7:53 am #

He..he..he..commentnya lucu2,

btw Jarak jauh..jarak dekat..keduanya ada plus minus nya,Up 2 u, ngak dosa kok, (bener kan P’ Pendeta?)Tergantung kepercayaan masing2, Sukses & Gagal (lewat jarak dekat or jauh) itu biasa dlm sebuah hubungan, Kalo jodoh ngak akan lari kemana walau di ujung bumi sekalipun,Makanya perlu bersyukur untuk BF/GF & anugrah cinta itu, karna dari sekian banyaknya Pria or wanita di seluruh dunia ini, Tuhan sediakan satu Pria/Wanita utk kamu, It’s Amazing,Hanya satu,makanya jg ngak boleh mendua,setialah.

Lagipula cara Tuhan mempertemukan pasangan utk tiap2 orang itu beda2 & unik,ngak smua orang sama, polanya beda2, ada yg ketemu dgn cara Ber-LDR Ria, ada yg ketemu krn salah telepon, krn berantem dulu,krn pesen tiket, ketemu di wedding temen,etc, pokoknya Tuhan ngak akan kehabisan cara utk mempertemukan setiap anak2nya, krn hewan aj di dlm bahtera Nuh berpasang-pasangan, apalagi kita manusia,dan Adam yg di Taman Eden sendirian, dia tidak jumpai yg sepadan dgn dia, wkt itu cuma ada binatang, Tuhan bisa sediakan dgn caraNya sendiri, Apalagi kita, Tuhan pasti sediakan yg terbaik utkmu & utkku…INTINYA : Kalo Jodoh ngak kan lari kemana…(biar beda keyakinan dlm cinta, tetep ngak boleh memojokkan yg lain,hargai keyakinan msg2, dan peace & love friend..)Gbu,

Szaszi on January 20th, 2008 at 9:55 pm #

Binsar, Binsar, Binsar… good post but I did not have the patience to read it all. I read the first part and the conclusion. For those who are still fuling themselves and others LDR DOES NOT WORK…NO IT DOES NOT. Spare yourselves, your loved ones, friends, familly and other bloggers, LRD IS A WASTE OF TIME, money, emotoins, fun times, etc. Being with someone is hard enough do not add the distance to the game it is not worth it. Hey B. are you looking for someone in the radius of two zones thats about everyone in Amsterdam Centrum and Amstelveen (two zones from Uilenstade)? That is not much to ask at all. By the way the drums souded excellent today. Your sarcastic brother.

binsar on January 21st, 2008 at 10:46 am #

vera… coba denger lagu “oh ya” deh… itu kan kaya ini banget… “memang benar apa kata pepatah, kalo jodoh tak lari kemana… duhai kekasihku” hehehe

binsar on January 21st, 2008 at 10:50 am #

Szaszafraz! See, that’s why you need to read what’s in the article itself broer hahaha… Of course you are free to express your own opinion of … and 2 zones means a lot broer, what if I take central station as the main zone, then I can have Amsterdam at my disposal toch!!!! hahaha

vera on January 22nd, 2008 at 10:17 am #

ha..ha.. ha.that’s right bin (he..he..,gitchu D)

enno on January 25th, 2008 at 2:56 pm #

hi…

wow, what a great post! I got this reference from my cousin di2t. I am doing LDR now. Still hope it’ll work well.

de di2t, thanks ya for the info, for binsar, keren banget! TOP abis hehe

binsar on January 27th, 2008 at 11:43 pm #

waduh enno… sukses untuk LDR nya yaaa!

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One Comment

  1. Can’t agree more with Szaszi :D :D ga bisa sar pokok nyaa.. :p

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