On Flirting

‘         I was sitting at a corner, in a room in Vancouver, during 1998 APEC Youth Forum, and I wanted to get this girl’s attention. She was also a participant of the forum. She’s Canadian, and definitely cute. I immediately walked up towards her and talked to the person next to her saying, “Could you please take a picture of me with this beautiful girl?” She was blushing, we took a picture, and we went out that night. My host told me that I was a smoothtalker. I didn’t know what it means until he explained that what I just did with the girl is an example of a smoothtalker. I think I was just being friendly with the girl. That’s my friend, is what they call “flirting”.

‘             Hmm, flirting. I remembered well when I wanted to ask some friends about the limitation of flirting, I mean to what extend can you call an action as flirting. I asked some of my girl friends (not girlfriend)! Some said, if you are doing it in a light way, then you can call that as flirting, i.e. sms, smile, looking at her, eye contact, etc. But when you are getting more intense, then it turns to ‘getting to know better’. Some answered that even by asking that question they suspected that I was flirting with them hahaha. Now, what is flirting and is it dangerous or not?

‘ Wikipedia mentions that, “Flirting is a form of human interaction, usually expressing a sexual or romantic interest in the other person. It can consist of conversation, body language, or brief physical contact. It may be one-sided or reciprocated.” So, you cannot say that you are flirting when you don’t have a sexual or romantic interest towards the other person.

‘             Flirting is fun when you know the limit, especially for those who already in a relationship. It is a safe way of expressing your interest without the responsibility to continue it in a more serious manner. Flirting could also please the person you are flirting with because he/she would feel honored by the attention. To the extend of non-physical flirt, I would say that it is still safe.

‘             But it could also be dangerous when you think you know your limit when you already have a partner. It is not strange to see people with partner getting caught flirting with someone else. This accommodates their self-actualization because they need to see that they can still attract other people. But it can be dangerous when you cross the line. Sometimes, people who knows the limit seldom got caught in the midst of safe flirting and an affair. Precisely because you think you can draw your limit, you can be drawn in it.

‘             Anyways, I don’t want to discuss this very far, I just want to give you these tips about flirting techniques which are very interesting. You can just google flirting and you will see tons of links about it. I thought you might want to read this one. Enjoy flirting!

This article can be found on http://www.datingclass.com/seduction/flirting-techniques.shtml

These are critical if you are to get out of the “Friend” zone and into the “Potential Lover” category with any woman :

1. Smiling. You must smile. You probably think you smile now, but you don’t, really. You should practice your smile in the mirror–to be big enough to be noticed, your smile will probably have to be bigger than you are used to.
2. Getting caught looking. Most people look away when the object of their desire looks at them. If you want to let that person know you are interested, when she catches you looking, smile, hold eye contact a moment longer, then look away.
3. Waving. A little wave to someone who caught you looking, along with a smile, is a non-intrusive, very flirty way to say “hello.”
4. Winking. You can wink at someone from across the room, or wink at someone during a conversation. If she says something funny, or someone else does something silly, you can give a wink as a way of sharing a little moment for just the two of you, as if the two of you are in on some private joke no one else is aware of.
5. Asking “what’s the story behind that?” You can ask “what’s the story behind that?” about any special or unusual thing your quarry is wearing or carrying. Examples: “that’s really neat bracelet you are wearing. What’s the story behind that?” or “That’s a really great briefcase. What’s the story behind that?” Even if there isn’t much of one, it’s given you some conversation.
6. Holding eye contact. While you are conversing with her, you want to be sure to have eye contact at least some of the time. At least once it’s a good idea to hold the eye contact a little “too long,” just a fraction too long, so there’s a brief, more intimate moment between you.
7. Non-intrusive touching. This can be as simple as placing your hand lightly on her hand for a moment, or touching her back for a moment as you walk to a table to sit down. Just do this a couple of times on the first flirting interaction–if she pulls away, don’t do it again.
8. Checking her out. Checking out her body must be done properly. The goal is for your new friend to feel complimented that you noticed her body, not objectified like some piece of meat. You do this by making eye contact, then quickly, in less than a second, passing your eyes down and then up over her body, then back to looking in the eyes. It should happen quickly, and you should be unashamed of taking a glance. Just don’t do it too often.
9. Using the “Good-bye compliment.” If you are shy, flirting with the “good-bye compliment” may be just the thing you need. On your way out, you simply go up to the woman you want to flirt with, and say something like, “Hi, I have to go now, but before I did, I really wanted to let you know that you have a really great sense of style, and that I noticed it. I wish I had more time to spend with you, but I have to go.” Then leave. This allows you to build your confidence in approaching women, without having to take the risk of rejection–after all, you have to leave, you couldn’t stay even if they wanted you to! (Some men also ask for phone numbers at this point.)
10. Stopping while it’s still fun. Remember, flirting should be fun, and you should leave the flirting interaction feeling victorious. Most men leave their flirting interactions feeling like failures because they don’t stop until it stops being fun. If you stop flirting on a high point, while it’s still fun, your new friend will feel good when thinking of you, and want to see you again.