I had a very fruitful discussion a few weeks ago with my colleagues about the church and the reason why we are doing what we are doing. Why do we serve God as pastors? How do we keep the same fire after so many years of service? What is your intention of serving God? Is it just another job or profession, or is it a way to make a living?
So, thinking about those questions inspires me to write a reflection of what it feels on being a full-time pastor, after almost one year of ministry, and three years of ordination.
What does it like to be a pastor? It was pretty confusing for me at first. How does one serve God professionally? Or, how does one give one’s best for God and still live from it? Sometimes I cannot differentiate which is work and which is personal. My identity got so mixed up with what I do, that I think I am doing my work 24/7.
Sometimes, I feel guilty when I forgot to call someone when they have their birthday, or not having the time to visit them when they are sick. Sometimes I feel bad when I refuse an invitation because of my profession. I always ask myself if I had done enough for the church.
Even by doing so, I still have to face people who are not satisfied with my ministry. Don’t get me wrong, I actually am thankful for the critiques that I received because I know my learning points. However, I also need to learn that I cannot please everybody, and there’s no need to do it.
Sometimes I do feel tired and lonely. It is difficult to find friends who see you as a person and not as their pastor. This is why I tend to be alone when I have my free time. I need to recharge by being alone and giving space for myself. This is why I am looking forward to be with someone to be my life companion, a friend, a partner. She is not going to answer all my challenges, but at least I am nor alone in facing them. I know it sounds a bit cliche, but it is what I feel.
Now, what do I get from all this? To be able to serve the Lord is precisely what I get by being God’s servant. It is a privilege and honor to serve the Ultimate. When I look at it this way, I am more motivated to do my ministry.
Not everybody is allowed to preach God’s word from the altar. Thus, I am always thankful and excited whenever I am going to preach. Serving the sacraments are the best moment of all, you get to administer
There are also priceless when I know that God’s Spirit has inspired me to say the right thing at the right time. It is humbling to see how God’s word can comfort or encourage people. I feel that I am working to comfort the sad and restless, to say the right thing, to be there in other people’s important moment, or to introduce the good news to the hopeless. To take part in God’s work is something that you can’t put a price on. This is what I get by being God’s servant.
I have met some senior pastors along the way. They inspired me to go on because I can see that God never leaves those who serve God.
In summary, I am enjoying every moment of being a pastor and thank God that I am granted the opportunity to be one.
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